Monday, November 23, 2015
-says most of the students in my school. They're all freaked out for 2016 because SPM's getting in the way. However, I strongly disagree. I know SPM's like the biggest thing in your life and it can take you to places you've always dreamt of, but SPM shouldn't be the stopper for me to get through 2016. You know what scares me the most?
The fact that my high school year is going to be over.
I get strucked just by the thought of it because as far as I can still recall, I haven't done much in high school. LIKE WHERE DID MY HIGH SCHOOL YEARS GO? WHAT DID I DO MAN? What kind of stories am I going to tell my children? 'oh i got dumped by stupid boys.' I want to be able to tell my children that i'm proud of my achiement in high school. But... how come I haven't done anything big.. much?
I've represented the school for bicara berirama, choral speaking, choir and syarahan but I never got far. And as in my boarding school, I managed to get BWP. I'm not trying to sound ungrateful, do not misunderstand. But it's just that I feel like I haven't done enough throughout the years and it's saddening. School is over kot, in 2 years, and i'll be entering a new phase of life, semi-adult. Most of you are probably dying to get out of school right now, but weh, school years won't come around again after you're 17. That's it.
You've survived school once, you won't survive it again. I'll miss my high school crushes and I'll probz start to realize how stupid am I to fall for them lmao. But whatever it is, I'll miss the school itself. I'll miss learning in class with freaking boring teachers, miss tryna stay awake while constantly dozing off, miss facing the anxiety of walking alone to canteen, miss riding the bus, miss assembly and line-up rules shit.
Once you masuk 'U', you're burdened with money and checks and bills and those kind of stuff and I feel like I need more time to deal with that, you know? I still wanna be the young 12-year-old me who's about pink and Miss Whatever. Cause high school years are about finding your true self, despite anything else. I'm not ready.
I don't want to grow old. Not now, not ever.